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For many of us, some of our best memories occurred during the traditional college years of eighteen to twenty-two, and we like to wax nostalgic when others are approaching their college future. Eventually, most parents and church leaders get brought into the prospect of helping a student select a college. As I write, I have one daughter who just graduated from college and another going through the decision-making process as a high school senior. We caring parents and church leaders don't want any student to enter this opportunity in life without good guidance. We want to do all we can to assist a young person facing some critical developmental years.

Let's begin with the young person, an adolescent facing a choice that has tremendous bearing on the rest of his or her life. Research concludes that today's high school student is less able than ever before to adequately address the significant challenges and decisions of life. Many of our well-meaning parenting efforts have given rise to a generation practically unable to effectively negotiate the age-appropriate matters present in their lives. For instance, I recently attended a college fair, where hundreds of high school seniors browsed through college displays. What surprised me was the number of parents who did most of the communicating, even filling out the information cards!

We love our children deeply, but we must be careful to take a sophisticated and deliberate approach to this very significant decision our kids are making. It begins with our deep love for them. We have spent years raising them, nurturing them, and bringing them into a world that now threatens them on every hand. No wonder we want to protect them from the harsher realities that exist out there!

But our love for our kids cannot be manifested by trying to make them an overt, deliberate extension of our own lives. Of course we must involve ourselves in their lives, but we must take pains to do so without absolving them from the processes, the consequences, or the benefits inherent in this stage of life. Our love must mature as they mature. The trick is to provide an adequate support structure for all their decisions, one that equals the maturity level we desire for our kids.

Let's look at the roles both the family and the church can play in a college decision.

The parental art of hovering (discreetly)

Our deep love for our kids is a compelling force in our lives. Thus the college decision sometimes is as much a struggle for the parents as for the child. We're dealing with separation issues, expected loneliness, and the fact that our children will exist with less of our involvement. But we must be convinced it is age appropriate and healthy for them to individuate and separate at this time in life.

We can start by helping them assess their gifts, talents, interests, and leadings, giving them great insight into their future. For instance, a student who likes detail should consider areas of study that match that interest. A good soccer player might have a chance to continue that interest in college and should approach her choice with that as a factor.

Parents need not remain sketchy on the more practical factors of college choice, such as the cost, location, and academic match with the student. Guides such as Peterson's Complete Guide to Colleges (at your local library or about $35 from Amazon.com) offer information on basic facts such as price and academic criteria. The Internet is a great source of information. Colleges have web pages, and you can also access comparative data on other sites. The U.S. News and World Report site (http://www.usnews.com/usnews/edu/college/cohome.htm) is user friendly, although it requires registration.

I suggest that parents begin during their child's junior year by encouraging the student to prepare for the SAT and/or the ACT. Good scores can secure financial aid at many colleges. Students can take those exams as often as they like, and colleges generally will recognize the student's best score. Preparatory classes for these exams are usually available.

Parents can challenge their student to gather as much information as possible on colleges that rise to the top of their list. Students can talk with current college students by requesting names from the admissions office of the target colleges. Some of the best, most unbiased information can be gathered from current students and by attending a college-visit day. Prospective students who spend a day and night at the college can get an even more complete picture of the overall experience. They should attend classes they would be likely to take, and speak with faculty and administration who relate to their field of interest.

A key role for parents is to make sure their children make the deadlines, communicate with the appropriate college personnel, and are able to negotiate the often-challenging details of such experiences. But we need to remember to let them do the work, while we just make sure it's happening.

How churches can help

We in the church ought to take great interest in the college decisions our kids are making. We baptize them, select appropriate curriculum and teachers, fix up youth rooms, commit to pray for them through high school, and hire talented youth workers to attract and pastor them and their friends. We care deeply about their spiritual development, but many churches struggle with keeping our high school kids engaged. Maybe this is why we sometimes become almost nonparticipatory when it comes to their college choice. As loving congregations, we cannot lose sight of our role in the development of our youth. Helping them secure the right spot in college during these critical years is significant.

Our first task is to work diligently to maintain a healthy youth program in order to retain the entrée into their lives we gained at an earlier age. Then we can invite representatives from Christian colleges to our churches to help both parents and students with the process. We can offer programs that identify the steps to take in the college-choice process, and invite recent graduates to share their college experiences and insights.

Pastors and youth workers are wise to stay knowledgeable about current college trends and familiar with particular colleges that are good matches with the church's student population. And it's good to remain in touch with the kids from church who are now off to college. E-mail distribution lists make this easy. Prospective students can even be matched with current students for e-mail correspondence.

A Christian or secular college?

Should Christians attend only a Christian college? Let me interject a caution: Some colleges may be represented as Christian when in truth they march to the beat of a much more secularized agenda. How can you tell the difference? First, check the particulars of the college: What does it mean when it says it's Christian? How does that Christianity manifest itself in college life and the curriculum? What are students actually being taught about Christ and our faith? Does the college participate actively in the faith development of the students? Some colleges are trying to be all things to all people, and they appear to use as many descriptors as they can to match as many needs as they can. The spectrum of "Christian" colleges is wide, so we must consider carefully the right questions to ask to meet our interests.

Many of our church kids can benefit greatly from a quality Christian college experience. If the administration is doing its job well, they will have well-prepared professors and staff addressing the spiritual as well as academic needs of our kids. They will have facilities and programs that match the developmental interests and social entitlements our kids expect. And they will offer a well-balanced, thoughtful, and responsible approach to integrating faith and learning.

A Christian college may not be the best choice for all students, but I can't think of a good reason why any of us should dismiss the thought without investigation. Many Christian colleges offer the full breadth of academic, physical, social, emotional, and spiritual opportunities that we wish for our kids. We should explore them and find out about their graduate school acceptance rate, their employment record for graduates, and the support they receive from alumni and donors. We should expect our Christian colleges to deliver on all these aspects of college life. Many of the better Christian colleges would be great matches for the students produced by any of our churches.

Since we want to give our young people everything they need for their spiritual development, our efforts to help them make key decisions in life should include their college decision. After all, the influences during four years of college may be greater than the previous years of church, youth group, or Sunday school. Our commitment to them, and to the responsibility Christ has given us, compels us to work effectively on their behalf as they launch into the college years.

Rocky Rausch is Vice President for Student Development and Dean of Students at King College in Bristol, Tennessee. Formerly he was the Youth Director at First Presbyterian Church and the Dean of Students at Episcopal High School, both in Baton Rouge, Louisiana.