I know, because I follow Presbyterian happenings, and my tossing and turning in the middle of the night is only made worse when our doctrinal controversies come to mind.

I sometimes joke the next day that I used the time to solve all the problems of the world. But I really should put that another way: I talked with the One who will solve all the problems of the world!

Let's be honest: Our culture is secular and increasingly indifferent if not hostile to the claims of the Christian faith. Many who say they are Christian do not know what that means, don't read the Bible, and aren't involved in the life of a church. The PC(USA) is under continual pressure to endorse cultural standards of faith and behavior in the name of a "gospel" of tolerance and inclusiveness. To believe in absolute truth is to be considered judgmental and intolerant. The postmodern mind says, "What I choose to believe becomes my truth, even if it is illogical, inconsistent, and self-serving."

Watching all of this play out in the debates and actions of presbyteries, committees, Permanent Judicial Commission decisions, and the General Assembly can be both frustrating and frightening. No wonder we sleep fitfully! We are seeing the power of the Lie at work.

So what's to be our response, especially in the wee hours of the night? Here's what I've developed to maintain perspective:

* First, I need to remember that I believe in a great and powerful God. I remind myself that my faith is based on three convictions: God is who he says he is, he means what he says, and he has acted and will act in accordance with his character and his Word seen perfectly in Jesus Christ.

When I start to become anxious and fearful about Presbyterian events, I review God's actions in my life, both my personal experiences and those from our polity struggles. For instance, I remember how God took the potentially devastating General Assembly actions of 1997 and 2001, which would have erased our constitutional standards, and used the presbytery votes to affirm more strongly than ever our biblical positions on sexual morality.

* Second, I try not to demonize our opponents in these debates, but instead work to offer my love and prayers for them as beloved children of God. I need to reject any spirit of self-righteousness, and confess my own need for Christ's mercy. I must ask the Holy Spirit to help me be winsome and compassionate in my thoughts and dealings with people, even as I faithfully speak my convictions. I try to pray for opportunities to have personal encounters and conversations, and pray for God to change their hearts.

* Third, I thank God for the many people I know who are faithfully involved in all these issues on every level of the denomination. I pray for their encouragement, equipping, effectiveness, and protection. I am continually inspired by their willingness to "stand their ground, and after they have done everything, to stand." (Eph 6:13).

* Fourth, I pray for God to block all actions and efforts that do not conform with his will. The PC(USA) is his church. Until he gives up on it, I'm not going to! He calls on each one of us to be his agents for truth and transformation. So I must be faithful wherever he has placed me--in congregational, presbytery, synod, and national levels of service.

It's easy to think I can't make a difference. That means I don't see myself as God sees me. Am I busy "being church," or am I consciously seeking to witness to the power of Christ for salvation? That's the question I must ask of every activity, every committee meeting. Is this furthering the Kingdom of God? If it isn't, why am I doing it? God will renew the PC(USA) from the bottom up by transforming us from people who practice a religion into people who are passionate disciples of Jesus Christ.

The definition of faith that has transformed my life is this: Faith is trusting that God is who he says he is enough for me to act on that trust.

Faith is something I do. It all begins with the absolutely perfect and dependable character of God as he has revealed himself in Scripture through Jesus Christ and as he has dealt with his church throughout the generations. He defines truth. He empowers each of us in our weakness.

When events in the Presbyterian Church make me most fitful and fearful, frustrated or angry, I must place myself in the hands of God, and trust his love and power. And then sleep well.

Nancy Maffett is Director of Outreach and Discipleship at the First Presbyterian Church in Colorado Springs, Colorado. A veteran of many General Assemblies, she was a candidate for Moderator in 2001.